* taps the mike* Is this thing still on? I’m still here, kinda-sorta.
I needed to take a break. It’s no secret that these past few months have been tough for me mentally. Finding the words and trying to keep everything light when I was feeling pretty dark was too hard and seemed like a lie so I took a step back from social media for a few weeks. No one wanted to hear me whine and moan about how fucked up I was feeling, most of all me.
Things are better, I am better. Spring is coming and there are little lambs ready to be born soon.
Loneliness, isolation (self-imposed) and a bucket full of other issues topped off with a dollop of pressure put upon myself for the ATB race. Every day I stressed over my lack of running, the stress would lead to me beating myself up mentally, I’d feel like shit, tell myself I sucked and blow off another run. Napping became my new hobby because it is easier to hide under the covers then to face what is really going on. It was a vicious merry-go-round that I just couldn’t seem to get off. Mid-February I gave myself permission to find some joy and NOT run the race and hopped off of the merry-go-round.
Last week I sold my Around the Bay Road Race 30k bib. It felt good. I feel
good. Scratch that, I feel great.
I’m running again, training for the Ottawa Race Weekend half marathon but this time I am following a new training plan that has me running 4-5 days a week instead of 6 days a week. I’m no longer burnt out and want to run instead of feeling like I have to run. I’m noticing a difference with my speed already and my last 10k LSR time was 3 seconds slower than my 10k race time in November. That on its own makes me want to keep going. And the sunshine, the longer days, the sometimes warmer weather.
I can’t promise I will be back to posting regularly any time soon, one small step at a time, but I will be here and reading/commenting on your blogs once again. One thing is for sure, I have missed all of my Blogland friends and I’m looking forward to catching up with all of you.
What have you been up to over the past few weeks? Fill me in, I want to hear all about it.